Goodnight, Pretty Girl
by starryeyesxx
Summary: My name is Brooke Davis and I’ve been dead for six minutes. So far I don’t like it.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Brooke Davis and I've been dead for six minutes. So far - I don't like it.

Strange thing about death is your needs go away, I was no longer tired or hungry or feeling the pain of the hammer that had gone into my skull. But quickly I began to miss my senses, I couldn't touch things anymore and as I watched my murderer dispose of my body, there was nothing more that I wanted then to attack with whatever strength I could somehow find.

But I guess being dead means I have no strength at all anymore, which is strange because I am Brooke Davis and I want to scream it out. I am Brooke Davis, I am known for how strong & brave I am. And now I am nothing.

To say that infuriates me would be an understatement, I am 18 years old, I deserve a future, I deserve to grow old and get married and have children and in one second that has been taken away from me.

People say life is short, but you can't really value it until you lose it. Instantly I think of how I've spent the last few weeks of my life, how I've wasted time being mad at Lucas and Peyton - two of the people most important to me. I miss Lucas the most.

I've lost a lot in such a short time, but my love for Lucas Scott will always remain - death, it seems, doesn't change that.

I think of Peyton, how mad I have been at her, but I love that blonde & I hate myself for not telling her. When she finds out I'm dead I just hope she doesn't think that I died hating her - she's made me the person I became, dead or not - I wouldn't want to be any different.

I soon wonder how long it will be before someone realises I'm missing. It's a lonely thought that maybe no one will notice. I turn my hopes to my roommate and bff Rachel. But unfortunately it had not become rare for me to stay out all night without checking in with her. It could be hours before anyone realises I'm missing, let alone dead.

In the short time that I have been dead, I have played my last few hours as human over and over in my head.

Rachel and I had gone to a bar, nothing strange about that at all. Usually we would look for a group of guys to talk to so that we could both find a man we would like, but Rachel quickly noticed the new bartender. She soon discovered he was called Ralph and was a part time model.

In my head, he was too petite to be a model, and I was sure that he was gay. But obviously Rachel didn't think so or she wouldn't be wasting her time hitting on him.

It didn't take me too long to get bored of Rachel and Ralph, so when I wondered back from the ladies room and a semi-good looking guy offered to buy me a drink, I was desperate enough to say yes.

He was called Rick, he must have been about thirty, but I had slept with a lot of older guys so it didn't feel strange that he was hitting on me. Looking back, it felt dirty and somewhat perverted. I realise now just how naïve I was, and that he was wrong to even look at me in that bar.

He continuously filled my drinks, maybe he was hoping that it would blur my vision of his yellow - stained teeth or the stain on his dark blue shirt. Maybe because it was a dark shirt, he thought the stain wouldn't be noticeable anyway.

I always notice these things, but tonight I didn't really care. Tonight, I wanted a man badly. All day at school I had been attempting to avoid Lucas & Peyton's, then Mouth called and asked me to pick him up at the river court. For some reason it didn't occur to me that Lucas would be there, let alone with Peyton. I guess I though Mouth would call me if Lucas was there, because he would know that I don't want to see him.

Anyway, Lucas was shooting hoops with Skillz and I guess Peyton wanted to join in. As I drove up, Lucas was holding Peyton by the waist as he tried to stop her throwing the ball to Skillz.

I slammed the door when I got out the car, and Lucas instantly looked guilty and he let Peyton go. I don't know why I got out the car, I guess I just wanted to have some effect on my former bf & bff. It worked, Lucas ran over to me.

"Hey Brooke, I've been trying to call you." 

"Oh yeah, when was that? Was that when you with Peyton at the mall?" I snapped.

"You saw us?" Lucas was shocked.

"Yeah, I guess a small part of me thought that maybe I could reconcile with both of you. But don't worry, that part's gone now."

I slammed the door again, as I climbed back into my car. Lucas was about to say something, but then Mouth ran over.

"Brooke, maybe we should just go." He said.

Lucas changed his mind about whatever he was going to say, and even though I didn't want to - I watched him watch us drive away in the mirror.

As selfish as it sounded, I got some small satisfaction out of the fact that he didn't want me to leave. It's strange, I know he loves me now. And I knew then too, but I didn't. It's hard to explain - I guess I just wanted more from him.

Somehow now it's as if I can tell what people think, like I know what's on the inside. Lucas loved me with all his heart. And my biggest regret is breaking up with him and the way I treated him afterwards.

Lucas loves me and because of that I hope that he doesn't find out I'm dead - between losing me and losing Keith, it could destroy him. I just hope that on some level he will know that I love him too, I hope he knows that I didn't mean all those things I said.

Guilt soon overtakes me, there are so many things I did wrong and I can't believe it took a hammer in the head to make me see it. Lucas was the love of my life, but I was insecure and needy, and now he may never know that.

It was those insecurities that drove me to say 'yes' when Rick asked if I wanted to go for a drive.

It seems like the stupidest thing I could have ever done now. He wasn't charming or funny, and I wasn't that attracted to him. I had nodded to Rachel before I left to let her know that I was going, but I don't think she saw who I was leaving with. It hits me now that the police may never find out who killed me.

He had parked his car somewhere near the pier, the truth is I wasn't paying that much attention - largely to the drinks he had been giving me. I could hear the water and I could smell the ice cream, but there were no voices. When I screamed out no one came running to save me.

He tried to talk to me about how beautiful the pier was, and I would never admit it if I was alive, but I was missing Lucas. I wanted to be with him, which honestly is all I ever thought about when I went home with some guy from a bar.

Then Rick grabbed the back of my head and kissed me, it was rough and forced. I pushed him away. Not because I wasn't willing to have sex with him, but because it just came as a shock. I could taste cigarettes in my mouth - along with something else, but I would rather not know what that was.

As I sat there, I had no idea how much I had angered him by rejecting him. Then he grabbed me by my hair and waist and attempted to pull me back into the seat. This was when I started protesting, I still had no idea how bad the situation was and I was simply saying "What are you doing?", the same way I had when a boy first tried to kiss me.

Despite my squirming, he got me into the back seat, and tried to push me down as he touched my legs. This is when it hit me - this man was going to rape me.

I begged and tried to scream, that's when he punched me. Then it occurred to me that he might kill me, so I let him pull of my clothes and go inside me, thinking that if I let him do what he wanted, he would let me go.

I closed my eyes, but tears still escaped from them. In that moment I felt more dead then I did when he actually killed me. I tried my best just to think of blackness, to not think about what was happening to me, because maybe it would be like it almost wasn't.

When he finished, I was still in my catatonic state, but he stayed lying on me. He was breathing heavily and when he began to shift. That's when I snapped out of it, and realise that it was over. I don't know why I thought I could just walk away - but that's what I tried to so. I lifted my head up and tried to push him off me.

Rick was shocked by my sudden movement, and when he realised that I was trying to get away he grabbed the my hair in his left hand and a hammer from under the car sight in the right and simply swung it at me.

I thought that I had done the right thing, I didn't fight back, I stopped screaming and I thought because of that he might be grateful enough to let me go. But as my head felt like it was swelling I had been consumed with hate for a man that I would have been willing to forget about. I would have gone home and pretended it never happened - finally a lie I would be happy to live.

I think I stayed alive for at least five minutes, but maybe it just felt longer because of the immense amount of pain. I was begging my body to get up and run away, but it couldn't. I could no longer move my limbs or even lift my head - there is little difference between that state and when you actually die.

It took me a while to realise I was dead, and I think I reacted quite calmly - I mean I'm angry, and crushed and there's nothing I want more then a second chance at life, but I'm not in denial about what's happened.

I'm Brooke Davis and 1 hour and 12 minutes ago, I died.

Now I don't know what to do, I've watched Rick take my purse and bury my body, now he's driving away. He buried my body quite close to a pathway using his hands and his hammer. Somehow I know it wasn't his intention to kill me - but that doesn't change how I feel about him at all.

I guess I have time to go anywhere, my first thoughts are of Lucas, but I want Rachel to realise what's happened. So I decide to go to her and wait for her to figure out that something has gone horribly wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

She comes home at around 3 in the morning - knowing Rachel like I do, I suspect she waited for Ralph to fall asleep before coming home. She glances over at my side of the room before falling into her bed and falling asleep.

I'm frustrated, but not mad that Rachel doesn't think anything of me not being there. I just can't fight the feeling that Rick could get away with everything he did to me, then a dreadful thought crosses my mind - what if he kills another girl?

There is such a sense of urgency consuming me right now, but there is really nothing I can do. Now I don't understand my purpose - I'm dead, but why am I still here? It's not like I can communicate with the ones I love and lead them to my body, & tell them goodbye, before I move on to…..to what? Is there a heaven? Then what am I in limbo right now? The God and the devil are measuring out all the actions in my life to decide whether I belong in hell or heaven.

I'm beginning to feel less desperate by the time Rachel wakes up, I'm more comfortable, but maybe that's not a good thing. Maybe I'm losing hope, but how much hope can I lose? The worst has already happened.

When she sees that I'm still not home, she sends me a text. I don't see exactly what she says, partly because her shoulder was blocking my view and partly because I know it just doesn't matter, but it's something about having a kinky night and telling me to check in with her.

A very nonchalant text, but I can see that Rachel is beginning to get concerned. I feel like I'm her shadow, I follow her everywhere, she showers and eats breakfast, then spends just 2 minutes picking out an outfit - she must be tired from the previous night, because usually she would take her a lot longer to pick out an outfit. It might just be because she's not competing with me today.

I don't know how, but I'm with her at school. I didn't get in the car with her - I physically can't now, but everything went blurry for a second and then I was at school. Then I think of the parking lot - where Rachel will be arriving soon and then I'm there. So I guess thinking of a place takes me there, if I had this power 24 hours ago, I would so be in Jude Law's bedroom right now.

I walk with Rachel, she greets Bevin and some other cheerleaders, she briefly mentions that she doesn't know if I'm coming into school today, then says she needs something out of her locker before class starts.

Ok, now I'm starting to get pissed. I've never not been at school the next day because of a one night stand, and she texted me nearly half an hour ago - I never take that long that reply! 

When we go inside the school, both Rachel and I see Lucas looking miserable as tediously rearranges the books in his locker. Rachel heads right in his direction and makes him jump as she nearly walks into him.

I wish I could make Lucas jump now.

"Hey big shot, have you seen Brooke today?" 

Lucas briefly looked at her confused. "No, why?"

"Nothing, she just didn't come home last night." Rachel shrugged.

"You think something could have happened to her?" Lucas became concerned.

"No need to panic, Luke. It's not exactly unusual for her to stay out all night recently." 

I immediately see the hurt on Lucas's face. For the first time I realise the impact that my actions have made. Yeah, I have hooked up with a lot of guys lately - but it doesn't mean anything to me, but I guess it means a lot to Luke. Why would I think that it wouldn't hurt him? It hurt me when he even hugged Peyton, well since I found out about the kiss it has.

Rachel doesn't seem to register that she's hurt, Lucas and adds "Let me know if you see her." before walking away.

I nearly follow her, then decide to stay with Lucas. He's still staring off into space, looking hurt and somewhat angry. Then he moves some books from his locker to his backpack until Peyton comes up to her.

"Hey," She says.

Oh God, I miss Peyton. I instantly say to myself. She's right in front of me, but I miss her so much all of a sudden.

"Hey, have you seen Brooke?" He asked.

"Not since yesterday when she freaked out on us again." Peyton said in her usual Peyton way, I can't find a way to describe it - I guess it's almost sarcastic - but to me it's just Peyton.

"Rachel said she didn't come home last night." Peyton was about to say something but Lucas cut her off before she could even begin. "But no need to panic, apparently she does that a lot." He coldly adds as the bell rings and him and Peyton make their way to class.

I follow them for now, but I won't actually go to class with them - I mean algebra? Then I really would be in hell.

"Oh, Lucas I'm sorry."

"Yeah me too, I've been holding onto her because I thought that she hadn't moved on. But I guess, maybe I should move on too."

"Well are you sure?" Peyton asked. I thought that she would have jumped Lucas right then and there, but after everything I've done she's still looking out for my relationship with Lucas. Now I miss her like hell again.

"Maybe it's not what it seems." She adds.

Lucas mumbles something about asking me himself, before him and Peyton go their separate ways.

I stand in the now empty hallway and think about where to go now. I visit Karen at the café and watch her shortly before I get bored. I never thought about how slow the café would get on a weekday morning.

I think about Haley and Nathan, but they would be at school and there's no point in me going back there now. Somehow my thoughts lead me to Dan Scott and I am there in his home.

Dan Scott killed Keith. I know it, I can see it in my head it's like I can read the pieces of his soul. I hate him so much, he is a murderer, he took Keith's life the way someone had taken mine.

Keith, I wonder if he is wondering through these people's lives like I am. I would love some company, and dealing with everything I am right now I don't think there is anybody I would rather talk to. Keith is not my father, or my friend, but somewhere in the middle. He just so smart, not book smart, but just in the way that it's actually important. And he's warm and kind, and the world is really missing out now that he's dead.

I wonder if anyone I know will die, and if when they do they'll think of me and what to see me. I would love to be able to talk to the people I love again, but I can't wish death on them. I know it now, and it's not awful, but you just lose so much so fast and I wouldn't want that to take that from anyone else.

I mean Keith lost out on ever seeing his child, and he never got to marry Karen or adopt Luke. Three things that he really wanted, and I know he really deserved them as well.

Maybe I think slower now - probably from the hammer lodged into my brain - but somehow it is lunch time.

I just think of her, and the world around me swirls then I am back at school. I never thought that this is where I would choose to be if I died.

As Rachel walks out of class she instantly checks her mobile, I feel so bad for her. Sometime soon she's going to find out that I'm died and it will crush her.

She sees Mouth in the mass of students and yells out to him.

"Have you seen Brooke today?" The redhead asked as soon as she reached her good friend.

"No, Lucas said she was with some guy." Mouth shrugged.

"Yeah, that's what I thought but I've called her like six times and she hasn't picked up." I could see the terror in her eyes. Rachel wouldn't want to ever overreact so she covered it up well, you'd have to be a real good friend to see how she's really feeling, and I am.

"Are you worried?" Mouth asked.

"Well, no, but that's weird right? Brooke's been out all night and she's not checked in with me. Has anyone else heard from her?" Rachel asked, trying to justify that fear that she would rather pretend wasn't there.

"I don't know," Mouth replied, beginning to pick up on Rachel's fear. "Maybe you should ask Haley. Other then you, I don't know who else Brooke would call."

Rachel watched Mouth walk away, and I really wish that everyone could just know now. I mean I'm dead, and that won't change, but the sooner everyone knows the sooner they will be able to fell better about it.

I know that Rachel must really be starting to get worried if she's going to talk to Haley. It takes her less then a minute to track down the married teenager.

Haley is sitting with Nathan and Lucas at a table outside and Rachel breezes over and sits with them.

"Hi Nathan." She winks before turning her attention to Haley, who just rolls her eyes.

"Haley." She coldly greets.

"Lucifer." Haley replies.

"Funny, almost as funny as what Nathan says about you behind your back." I can see it now, Haley's about to start yelling while Nathan just stares at his sandwich and Lucas is watching like a deer in headlights.

But Rachel continues before anyone can react. "Unfortunately, I'm not here for fun. Have you seen or talked to Brooke today?" She turned serious.

Haley quickly let go what Rachel had previously said and just shook her head.

"She still missing?" Lucas asked finding a new interest in the conversation.

"Woah, missing?" Nathan finally also got involved.

My heart feels like it's breaking, the four of them looked worried now, and they must have thoughts running through their heads - I've been there. But you always think that the worst is just you being silly, the thing is if any of them actually are thinking I could be dead they're right on the money.

"Don't say missing." Rachel quickly calms everyone down. "It's just that she didn't come home last night -"

"But that's not unusual." Lucas scolds.

"Yeah, well it is unusual for her not be there in the morning and even if she had fallen asleep somewhere, she'd have come to school by now. And I've been calling her, but she's not answering."

Any conflicts are now gone, it's like I said, I can feel it. At the moment Haley and Rachel could be mistaken as friends as they share scenarios about what I could be doing.

It's ironic that what I'm doing is watching them trying to convince themselves that I am just fine.

"Maybe it's time we called the police." Lucas suggested, I know he's been thinking about it for a while, but he's only just convinced himself to say it out loud at the risk of being subject to teasing.

"Don't be stupid." Rachel snapped - even though she was hoping somebody would say that, so she wouldn't have to.

"It's not stupid," Haley defended her best friend. "If Brooke hasn't checked in with any of us, something could be seriously wrong."

"Ok, one of you can do it." Rachel said, then she walked away glad to have the weight off her shoulders. If that was me I might do the same thing, Rachel knows how unlike me it is to not call her or anyone else in my small circle of close friends - and she must be starting to get really scared, so she's doing what I would do and running away.

She can run, but sooner or later she'll have to find out that I'm dead. I'm the closest thing that she has to family, and I'm dead. That's gonna suck for her and there's nothing I can do to change it.

Lucas, Haley and Nathan discuss me for the rest of lunch, then when the bell rings again Lucas elects himself to go down the police station, this I would rather not watch. So I decide to visit what I hope is my temporary gravesite, to see if anyone has found me yet.

And in a second, I'm there. There are people here now, for some reason I thought that maybe he brought me to this place was because people rarely came by, but I guess that was only at night. I see a mother walk her two children as she tries to carry too many bags of shopping walk right past my body.

The whole world is so clueless to me, and my demise. I am a tragedy. I mean, I am dead now. I wonder if people will talk about the head cheerleader who lived carefree and frivolously until she was murdered. Maybe I'll become an example at Tree Hill High, teachers will warn the female students about hooking up with strangers "Careful, you don't want to end up six feet under like Brooke Davis." They'll warn all the slutty cheerleaders in the making.

I am so much more than just some slutty cheerleader, I hope that's not how I am remembered to everyone.

You can see the ground is disturbed where my body lies, Rick was really stupid. He buried me near a pathway and not very deep, I am ashamed that I was actually killed by such a dumbass - I deserved better than that.

Occasionally people pass by, and I want to scream to them to find my body, the sooner that it's found, the sooner I can be buried somewhere real - and possibly save some dignity, most of it was stripped away along with my clothes.

I wonder how much time has passed, wherever dimension I am apart of now, time isn't as much as an issue. It doesn't have a meaning. So I think of my home with Rachel.

There is a police car outside. For some reason I am terrified, even though this is kinda what I wanted. I nervously go inside, Rachel is sitting on the sofa she looks like a wreck now.

Her eyes are red and her voice is raspy when she answers the policeman's questions. There are three there, one is looking around, while one asks Rachel's questions and the third just watches over the other two.

Mouth is sitting with Rachel with his arm around her, every now and then he whispers things to her like "Don't worry, she'll be ok." 

The only other person there is Lucas. He looks so handsome as he leans against the doorframe watching all that happens around him. His eyes are squinting like he's deep in thought, trying to put the pieces together in his head.

Pieces of what though? They don't really know anything yet, they just have their fears crawling inside of them. Maybe I missed something while I was watching my grave. Maybe the police had found the hammer, or some witnesses had come forward saying they saw me with Rick near the pier. But all that can't happen in less then 24 hours, can it?


	3. Chapter 3

I'm Brooke Davis and 29 hours ago I died.

It's the second morning Rachel has woken up alone. The more I watch everyone the more I seem to understand their thoughts. Rachel is thinking of me right now, as she stirs in her bed she looks over at mine, hoping to see me safe.

Then she checks her phone. She is really alone right now, and she takes advantage of that as she begins crying. In all the time I've known Rachel, I've never seen her cry. Even when her ex boyfriend was lying in a hospital bed after an accident she caused, she didn't cry.

Things haven't become any easier yet. I thought that maybe I'd get used to being dead, but it's just too hard. Last night I went from house to house checking on all the people I cared about who I know cared about me.

I spent the most time with Lucas. He just sat their brooding, he tried to write on his laptop, but became frustrated. So he just sat on his bed listening to music to match his mood. He had briefly told Karen that I was missing, but then told her he didn't want to talk about it.

Peyton cried a lot. She drew a bit, a picture of me and her smiling together, then she started another one but fell asleep before I could tell what it was going to be. She must have been really exhausted from all the crying - and I wished that I could reach out to her and comfort her.

Haley cried a bit but Nathan did well to keep her calm, then Haley told him that she was pregnant. I know telling Nathan terrified her, so I'm really proud of her for doing it. They spent the night talking a bit about me, but mostly about the baby. Nathan's scared, I can see it in everything he does, but he's really stepping up. He's not the boy I once knew, he's a man and a damn good one at that.

I also visited Mouth and Bevin, but they were both sleeping so I went to my parents. But they were sleeping, surely if you had just found out your teenage daughter was missing sleeping would be that last thing you'd want to do.

The police had called them, just to them know and my father had simply asked to be called if they found out anything. They weren't going to fly home, which angered me. Maybe they thought I was just doing it to get their attention, but I'm not. Something really bad did happen, and now I'm dead.

I don't like being in my parents new house, so I chose to go home to Tree Hill, just in time to see Rachel wake up.

I'm following Rachel into school now, Mouth walks up to her quickly and hugs her. Everyone at school seem quieter, I guess news spreads quickly. Then Bevin comes running over and hugs Rachel as well.

Most of the cheerleaders sit down together, and I don't want to hear them talking about what happened to me, so I explore.

I see police officers come out of Principal Turner's office, they shake hands with him, then they leave after mentioning something about questioning the students.

I'm not the only person watching them, down the other side of the hallway I see Lucas, Peyton, Haley and Nathan standing together. Peyton and Haley look really awful, and occasionally Nathan or Lucas would hug either of them.

For a moment I am proud, I am proud that when I was alive and surrounded myself with good people, and the best four people I know I am watching right now.

Nathan is uneasy, and Lucas seems pretty unemotional, but I know him. Lucas is terrified at the moment so many thoughts are going through his head about never seeing me again and these awful things that could have happened to me. But he covers it up really well.

Waiting is the worst part. I remember when the four of them were trapped in this very building on the day of the shooting, and I just had to wait. I wondered if they were all dead, some really important people were in danger that day and I just had to wait. I talked to a few other students to find out who could be in the building, I mean I knew Lucas, Nathan, Peyton and Haley were all in there. But I found out Rachel, Mouth and Skillz were there as well.

Lots of pictures go through your head, lots of worse case scenarios. I couldn't stop thinking of them being lined up and shot, just like at an execution. But they were fine - Keith died though.

A lot of people found it strange that he would choose to go in the building, but I understood. I wanted to go in there and find a way to get Lucas out.

Keith Scott was a hero, and as I think of him I realise that I am in the hallway where he was killed. But he wasn't killed by Jimmy Edwards, he was killed by his own brother.

Then I seem him. His back is turned to me, and students cross in between us, but I know it's him.

"Keith!" I yell out, and he smiles as he turns around to face me.

I run up to him and hug him like I had once more. He is happy, but as he lets me go, it fades.

"Brooke," He says. "I'm really sorry that you're here." He's sincere.

"Yeah, I'm sorry you're here too." I reply and I want to cry. I want to cry for both of us and what was taken from us, but I don't. I guess when you're a ghost you don't cry, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

"I know that Dan killed you. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I'm over it." Keith coolly replied.

"So, what you're actually at peace? I mean you were murdered just like me and I'm not over it!" My voice raises.

"Well I've been dead quite a bit longer then you."

I calm down. He puts his arm around me as we begin walking through the hallways together. It feels good to touch someone again. It's something I'm actually thankful for, but it's a shame I can only touch other dead people.

We talk about how we were killed, and he comforts me and expresses his regrets that I had to go through it. Then I begin to ask him questions.

"Why are we here?"

"To help."

"But how can we help? We can't actually do anything. I mean there's so much I want to say to everyone, but we just can't so how could we possibly help?!" I am angry again, but not at Keith. Just the situation.

"Just being here helps. And it's not only to help them, but us as well."

"How?" I ask sadly.

"Don't you want to see Rick put behind bars for what he did?" Keith asks me, urgency in his voice now.

"Yes, I do. But I'm not in control of that at all. I just have to wait and see if the police catch him, which they might not."

"Maybe he'll confess." Keith suggested, he was relaxing again now.

"Why would he do that?" I ask sarcastically. "He doesn't feel guilty at all for what he did to me."

"Well I go into Dan's dreams and talk to him, hoping I can get him to confess."

"You can do that, go into people's dreams?" I ask.

"Yeah, but there's a catch. Well not really, you can only go into the dreams of people who know you're dead."

"So that leaves Rick."

"For now." Keith adds. "You know I visit Lucas and Karen, I think it helps them. And a lot of people are going to need some help once they find out you're dead."

And now it hurts again. I am going to hate watching everyone go through that. I hate what they're going through right now, but it's going to get worse for them, meaning it's going to get worse for me.

"I know that I'm dead, but it just doesn't feel like it's over." I say sadly.

"It's never over. Your soul lives on, and your love lives on. Their love for you lives on, and you will be here for them when they die."

"I don't want them to die just so I can have some company."

"I know, and I didn't want you to die. But everyone will, and I'm sure it will bring them some joy when they do that at least they get to see you again."

I smile sweetly as he flatters me. We talk a bit more, then he is gone but I am sure he will come back.

Maybe there are other people he needs to talk to and comfort like he has to me, maybe he's a guardian angel and someday I will be one as well.

I think about the dream thing, but I don't want to go into Rick's dreams. I don't want to know him at all, I've thought about going to see what he's doing, but I don't think I can stand to watch him live now that I am dead.

So I stay at school. The police talk to my friends, asking them questions in Principal Turner's office. Most of them do well, but Haley comes out crying.

Lucas hugs her because Nathan is not there, he's still in class. Haley must have been the last of the day, because now the policemen are beginning to leave.

Lucas sees this and runs after the one who appears to be in charge. His name is Tom and he is a kind man, I feel like he is a lot like Lucas, so maybe that's why Lucas gravitates towards him.

"Have you guys found something?" The love of my life asks.

"We can't really tell you that." Tom responds, but Lucas grabs his arm.

"Brooke has been missing for a day and a half, you wouldn't be here interrogating students if you hadn't found something." Lucas says sternly, then he softens and his face almost becomes weak. "Please, tell me." He pleads.

Tom waves on the other officers and turns to Lucas sympathetically. "We found her purse. It had blood on it."

Lucas looked like he was going to be sick, but he still had some hope to cling to. "Brooke's blood?" He asks, his voice shaking.

"We're not sure yet."

"So what does this mean?" Lucas asks, I can see the tears behind his eyes, and I want to reach out and touch him, to let him know that I am still here with him. He hasn't lost me and he never can.

"It means you should probably start preparing yourself." Then Tom walks away and Lucas stands there in shock.

Prepare yourself. We all know what that means. It means that we're pretty sure your girlfriends dead, but we don't have proof yet.

Haley walks to Lucas. "Lucas, what's wrong?" But Lucas just runs past her and in an instant he is gone. Again if I were alive, I would be crying right now.

It was raining hard outside. Hours had passed and high school was long over, Lucas has been calm for a while now, and had managed to tell the others what he had been told.

Karen had closed the café for the afternoon, but it looked pretty full. Lucas, Haley, Nathan, Peyton and Rachel were sitting at one table and Mouth, Bevin and Skillz were at another while Karen sat on a stall at the counter. Deb has stopped by to see how Nathan was, then she announced that she was going back to rehab.

Karen keeps trying to make sure everyone is eating, especially Haley who has confessed to everyone that she's the pregnant one, not me. I am standing behind the counter watching everyone, then Keith is beside me.

He makes me jump initially, but I feel better with him now.

"They know about the purse?" Keith asks, studying all the broken people around him.

"Yeah, you know about the purse?" I ask confused.

"Yeah. I don't know how it works or why….but sometimes we just know things."

"Yeah, I've noticed." I sigh.

We stand there in silence, just like everyone else in the café. Then Keith breaks it.

"There's something you need to see."

"What?" I turn to him.

"Come on." He simply answers. He takes my hand and then we are on the pathway by my gravesite.

It's raining, but we don't get wet.

"Look." Keith says.

The rain is washing away the dirt, and I can see my own hand coming out of the ground.

"Oh, God." I gasp. I knew I was dead, and that my body was right there, but since it had been buried I hadn't seen my body.

Then Keith points to a person coming from the pier. It's a young woman. And by looking at her, I know her. She is called Marianne, and is 22. She's out walking her dog like she does everyday, but she's taking a shorter route today because of the rain.

I see what's about to happen, but I don't want it to. Marianne is going to find my body, but it will scar her. It will be a stain on what would have been a beautiful life that she was going to live.

Her dog is running ahead, it's a German Shepard. A big dog for a young woman, but when Marianne first got her own apartment she wanted a big dog to keep her safe. The dog is called Bobby, and Marianne calls after him as he runs to where the Earth is disturbed.

I watch as Marianne gets annoyed that Bobby won't come to her. At the moment, Bobby is smelling my hand, and he licks it once before circling my gravesite trying to smell what is there.

Marianne follows him and then she sees my hand. She screams and that's all I need to see. Just by turning my head away I am at the café. It's empty now and I see that it is after ten on the clock. I am still trying to learn how time works now that I am dead.

I didn't see, but I know what happened next, Marianne ran home to her boyfriend and hysterically phoned the police to tell them what her dog had found. I can feel that she is crying. She wonders if whoever murdered me was watching her when she found the body, and even now that she is at home she feels like she is being watched.

Keith didn't come back with me, I wonder where he is but I imagine he'll be around soon, because he'll want to be there when Karen and Lucas find out I am dead. And that must be soon now that the police have found my body.


	4. Chapter 4

I hate that my parents are called first. They are both fast asleep, not worried about my disappearance at all. When the phone rings my father stirs, he agitatedly asks what when he picks it up, and then he is told the news.

He thanks the officer for calling, then rolls over to face my mother who is still asleep.

Now I leave. I don't know what happens next, I worry that he just goes back to sleep, not affected by my murder at all. Maybe he woke up my mother to tell her, then they spent the whole night crying in each other's arms. I don't want to know, but I do know that not even this will bring them back to Tree Hill.

So I wait for the news to spread. Rachel is not asleep. It's about 4 in the morning and she lies in bed watching her ceiling while I watch her.

Occasionally her lips shake and tears trickle off her face, but every time she manages to gain composure. It gets light outside and the moment 7am hits there is a knock at the door.

Rachel gets up and opens the door. There's Tom, who looks genuinely distressed and concerned, and the other officer I haven't seen before. He's not as young as Tom, but I can feel that he is just as kind, but I think the only reason he is here is because he's not as involved as Tom, and Tom had asked him to be there.

"Yes?" Rachel asks, looking terrified.

"Miss.Gattina, I'm sorry." Tom simply says.

"You found her didn't you?" Rachel asks, as her face seems to sink.

"Yes." The older gentleman responds.

Rachel begins crying, but is still holding on to that composure she had earlier.

"Is she……alive, or…..?"

"I am so sorry." Tom says, I can feel his concern as well. "She's been murdered."

Then Rachel lets it all go. She doesn't care how she looks or what these men think of her, she just falls apart. She sobs uncontrollably and struggles to stand up straight.

"Miss Gattina, I'm sorry but we're going to have to ask you some more questions." The older gentlemen says, but Tom cuts him off.

"Just not now. We'll go." When they leave, I silently thank Tom for this small favour he has done for my friend.

I watch Rachel as she struggles to breath, and there is nothing more I can do but watch. She keeps running to the kitchen and washing her face in the sink.

That's something I did a lot when Keith died. The cold and the water would just take away the pain for a few seconds. But only a few seconds, then I'd be crying again.

It must have been an hour until Rachel was able to pick up the phone. I recognised the number immediately. I guess Karen is the only adult Rachel trusts in her life, and somehow that makes her the closest Rachel has to a parent. But that's true for all of us, me, Rachel, Haley and Peyton know that she is willing to be a mother whenever one of us needs it.

Rachel begins crying again when she tells Karen, then she asks her if she can let everyone else know as well. Karen agrees then they both hang up.

I think about going to see Lucas, but I don't think I could stand to watch him find out I'm dead, even though he already suspects it. There's no where I want to go at the moment, soon everyone will know, then there's no place I could go where I can pretend that everything is alright.

So I think about my body, and then I am with it in a lab. It's in a white bag now, but I know my body is in there. They've already done the autopsy, they know I was raped and they know I died from being hit with a hammer.

As I want to know what else they know, I do. They found fibres from the car on me, and some hairs which they don't think belong to me as well as semen from my attacker.

To me, this is good progress. They have to samples of DNA from Rick, so hopefully soon they will have him locked up. I stay with my body, I don't want to leave it alone, then Keith is with me.

"Everybody knows now." He simply says.

"Good." I say sadly. "Now they can start dealing with it and move on."

"It won't all be that simple."

"Yeah, I know. But I can pretend it is that simple for now." I still haven't turned around to look at him.

"Brooke, do you want to go see them?" Keith says slowly, he knows that this is a time to be miserable.

"I don't know. What did you do? Did you watch everyone you love suffer?" I finally turn to him.

"Yes, and it's not easy. But I think it's important that you do it."

I think about it, but my mind trails off and I ask him one question.

"What would be the one thing you would choose to go back and do if you could?"

Keith think about it, then he smiles. "I would want to hold my daughter in my arms."

I smile back at him, "Karen's going to have a daughter?"

Keith nods proudly, then he returns the question. "What would you do?"

I don't need to think about it long either. "I would marry Lucas."

Keith looked at me sadly, I know he can relate because he was engaged to Karen when he died. It was really tragic.

"Do you want to go see how he's doing?"

I think a moment, then slowly nod, then Keith puts his arm around me and we are at the school again.

"I think I've been here more now than I did when I was alive."

Keith smiles, but he doesn't laugh. That atmosphere here ruins any joke I could try to make. Nearly everyone is silent, and Principal Turner is telling everyone about grief. I don't really listen and I doubt anyone else is either, because we heard the same thing after the shooting.

All the seniors look distressed, and the other students just look confused. Like they're out of their depth. Everyone at this school knew me, I was Student Body President, and I was Brooke Davis. Plain and simple - everyone knew Brooke Davis.

I see some of my friends, but not Rachel, Peyton, Haley or Nathan. I wouldn't be surprised if the four of them are staying home today. I see Lucas wondering the hallway, he looks…….empty. Like a zombie, I don't think even he knows where he's going. It's like he's walking through the school waiting to run into me, then have everyone yell out 'Just kidding!'

I only wish it was a joke. Mouth sees him and tries to say something, but Lucas just brushes past him, barely acknowledging anyone else is even there.

"I should have told him I loved him. I hope he doesn't think that I hated him."

"He knows Brooke," Keith states. "If he didn't know that you loved him as much as he loves you it wouldn't hurt so much."

It feels like I'm crying, but I know there are no tears coming out of my eyes.

"I really did love him." I whisper.

Then Keith hugs me, even though he is with me now, I think my death has affected him as much as it has everyone else.


	5. Chapter 5

I watched Lucas for a long time, but he just sat in class. He didn't speak or anything, I wonder if he was even thinking, or if he had shut down a part of his mind to stop himself from feeling the hurt, just like I did when I was raped.

So I chose to see Peyton, I knew that she would be taking it harder then everyone else.

She was at Nathan & Haley's door. She was dressed in loose clothing, and she had a paper bag with her. She wasn't crying now, but I could tell that she had been for a long time.

Haley answered the door, and as her eyes settled on Peyton the two instantly hugged.

They hold onto each other as they tried to breath, it can be hard to keep breathing when all you can think about is death.

"How are you doing?" Haley sobbed, as she held onto the tiny blonde.

"I'm ok, I guess. What about you?"

"I, uh….I'll be ok."

They both acted bravely, I love them even more for that. They let each other go, and instead held each other's eyes.

"I thought that maybe, I could stay with you and Nathan today. I thought it would be nice to be around people, and I brought bagels."

Peyton smiled as she waved the paper bag.

"Of course," Haley returned the smile and welcomed Peyton in.

I followed them inside and Nathan came out from the bedroom, when he saw Peyton, he pulled her into the hug.

"How are you doing?" He softly asked her.

"I'm ok," her voice broke as she lied. She quickly rubbed her eyes, trying to stop herself from falling apart.

"Peyton thought that it would be a good idea if we all stayed together today." Haley added. She was wearing one of Nathan's hoodies, and she wiped her eyes with the long sleeve.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." Nathan nodded. "Is Lucas coming too?"

"I think he's at school." Peyton informed him.

"What?" Nathan asked confused.

"When I talked to Karen she said that he was getting ready for school, so I guess that's where he is." Peyton explained.

Nathan looked concerned, I knew that he was going to be the one trying to take care of everyone.

"Maybe you two should stay here, I think I should go talk to him."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea." Haley nodded.

She kissed him before he left, then she and Peyton dug into the bagels.

When Nathan finds Lucas, there is no hug, no greeting or a simple smile. Nathan just looks at Lucas kinda mad.

They are in the parking lot at school. Nathan called out to Lucas but at first he kept walking, until Nathan ran and just stood right in front of Lucas.

"What are you doing, man?" Nathan asked worried.

"Go home, Nate." Lucas stiffly replied, then he continued walking towards his car.

But Nathan wasn't going to give up, he ran after Lucas grabbed him by shoulder and span him around.

"Lucas, you shouldn't be driving right now. Your upset, you could get into an accident." Nathan lowered his voice. "Peyton's at my place with Haley, you should come back with me. I think we should all stay together right now." Nathan pleaded, but Lucas just kept his stonewall face.

"The only person I want to see is gone." He coldly said.

"Lucas…" I could see how much Nathan felt for his brother, and Lucas could too but right now he couldn't care.

Lucas walked away again, and for the last time Nathan went after him.

"Lucas, I know what you're going through, but you-"

"You know what I'm going through?!" Lucas yelled. "Is Haley dead?"

I haven't seen Lucas this angry since Keith died, and just like I did then, I wish so much that I could help. That I could just find a way to take his pain away - and so does Nathan.

"I know you loved her," Nathan began to say "And I am so sorry."

Lucas watched him for a second then looked to the side and let out a 'tsk' sound. Then he walked away again, and I wish Nathan didn't let him go, but I don't know what else he could have done to help.

I stand by Nathan, but he doesn't know it. He looks around to make sure he's alone, then he finally breaks down crying. I am here, but I wish I could be here for him.

Even though no one knows I'm here, knowing that Nathan would want to be alone right now urges me to leave, so I decide to watch over his wife. Which is what Nathan would want.

Peyton and Haley are way past the bagels and onto the ice cream now. That's what I would get like when somebody died, I would eat constantly for about a week, before going back to my normal routine and it's almost as if Peyton and Haley are doing that in honour of me.

They sit on the sofa curled up in Haley's duvet, eating big scoops of ice cream, and I sit by them, wishing I could be a part of it again.

"Do you think everyone's going to be ok?" Peyton asked.

"I don't know, I mean…it's Brooke, you know?"

"I know. I'm worried about Lucas." Peyton admitted.

"Me too." Haley agree. "But I'm sure Nathan will take care of him." She paused. "But it is Brooke."

"The day you and Nathan got remarried, Brooke and I had this big fight and I just keep playing it over and over in my head."

Haley watched Peyton for a second, we both knew that she was really suffering.

"Peyton, Brooke loved you. I know that you two had been fighting a lot recently, but I know it. She loved you."

"I know she did. That's what makes it worse."

"What do you mean?" Haley asked confused.

"I betrayed her, Haley. That's what we'd been fighting about. She loved me and trusted me and I betrayed her." Peyton paused a minute, she knew Haley wanted to ask, but wouldn't, so she told her anyway.

"I kissed Lucas." She paused and looked at Haley guiltily. "On the day of the school shooting, I kissed Lucas."

"Well Brooke would understand that, she would be mad, but she'd understand." Haley tried to comfort her.

"That's not all." Peyton stopped her before she would say more. "I told her I still have feelings for Lucas, and she got really mad. I know that I really hurt her, that's why she moved out. And now she's really gone."

I counted the tears falling down my best friends face, and I added them to my guilt. I should have been a better friend to her. The three of us sat in silence.

"Ok, that would make Brooke pretty mad. But _nothing_could change how much she loved you."

Haley was right, I just hope Peyton believed her. That she took it as the truth and not just something Haley was saying to try and ease her guilt.

Haley then wrapped her arms around Peyton, and to be perfectly honest - I am envious. Haley held Peyton as they both cried for a while, but when they began to feel better and Peyton sat up again, Haley wanted to know more.

"Do you really still have feelings for Lucas?"

"I don't even know anymore. I thought I did, but we've been spending loads of time together and I really enjoy hanging out with him, but when I've been around him…..I haven't felt like I've wanted more." Peyton got mad at herself. "And that just makes me feel even worse because it means I destroyed everything with Brooke over nothing!"

"Hey, you're entitled to get confused. I mean you and Lucas have been through so much together, and after the kiss I'm not surprised that you could think you have feelings for him."

I can't help but think how good a mother Haley will be right now, she's got that maternal instinct kicking in already. But all I can really think about is what Peyton had just admitted. I am mad, I don't want to be because I've come to the realisation that's the no point being angry with the people you love, but I am mad. But I am also sorry about it, and I can forgive her. I just wish she could have figured this out four days ago.

"It's strange," Peyton continued. "I thought I wanted Lucas, but right now all I want is Brooke."

She started crying again, and Haley wrapped her arms around her once more.

"I miss her so much." Peyton sobbed, and I miss her too. She's right in front of me, but I miss her.


	6. Chapter 6

My name is Brooke Davis and three days ago I died.

All my family and friends found out yesterday, but it still feels like that first second where the pain is the clearest. I like being with Rachel in the mornings, I don't know why, but I think it's because I would be spending my mornings with her if I was alive.

I decided not to go into anyone's dreams, I didn't want to freak anyone out. And it could just make my death more painful for someone.

I was really tempted go into Lucas's dreams though, but he never slept. I am worried about him, but I hope this is something he can get passed.

He wrote a bit on his laptop, but he gave up and played Jimmy Eat World songs until Karen woke up in the night. She held him in her arms, like a mother should but he only cried briefly.

When she felt like she could leave him alone, she went to the kitchen and just sat down at the table and began crying. I can't explain it, but that moment just felt pure.

Rachel hasn't had a pure moment, she's not letting herself have one. She's been hurting and crying, but she's always tried to stop herself. She hasn't just let herself grieve. She has not had a pure moment, but they do make you feel better.

She had been interviewed by the police interview yesterday afternoon, that's when she found out I was raped. I can feel her guilt, and she's been apologising to me in her head, but that's not what I want. I want her to be happy. After she helps the police catch Rick. I really hope that she can recognise him.

Nobody had known that I was raped yesterday morning, but Rachel cried on Mouth's shoulder after she left the police station and told him. Mouth met up with the guys at the river court and told them. Now I think everyone knows. I am ashamed, but really I'd rather have them not know, because I don't want them to have that burden.

But Rachel does, she's blaming herself. It doesn't take me long to realise that Rachel won't be going to school today either. I take notice that she doesn't eat, if I do go to her dreams, I'll have to remember to tell her to eat.

She's still in her pyjamas when she goes to my side of the room. There are some clothes of mine thrown and the floor, and she delicately picks up a clothes over bros t-shirt and smells it. She sits on my bed, just touching the t-shirt, trying to find a piece of me on it.

Then she lies down, burying her head in my scent on the pillow.

She's really alone right now, and I need to find a way to get someone to help her. So I go Mouth.

I am surprised to be at the river court, I guess him, Skillz, Junk and Fergie had stayed there all night. Fergie and Junk have fallen asleep on the bench, Skillz is talking to Bevin on his mobile, trying to tell her that everything will be ok and Mouth is lying in the grass, washing the clouds move in the sky.

I want to scream at him to go see Rachel. If I can go into someone's dreams, surely I can go into someone's daydreams as well.

"Don't even think about it." Keith appears right in front of me.

"Why not?" I ask, "He needs to go help Rachel."

"Rachel needs to learn to help herself." Keith replies. "She's strong, Brooke. And she will get through this."

"All on her own? Nobody should have to go through something like this alone." I coldly say.

"If she needs help she'll ask for it." Keith calmly states.

I accept defeat and change the subject.

"So why can't I go into people's daydreams?" I ask.

"Well, you can" Keith pauses. "But I wouldn't advise it." He trails off.

"Why not?"

"It can really mess with people's heads, think about it. It will do more harm then good."

I don't know if he's right, but I trust him.

"Brooke, you can choose for people to see you if you want them to. I don't think you should, but it's up to you."

He goes again. I wonder where he goes, if he is somewhere I can't go, or if he's just watching someone I don't know. I like to think he's with Karen.

So now I know I can act, but am I supposed to just watch? I guess I can't interfere, and to be honest I'm getting used to watching, even though it kills me. Still, there must be a reason why I can choose for people to see me, but I shouldn't do it until I know that reason.

When I go to Haley's I am glad to see that they are sleeping. Haley and Peyton are sleeping sitting up on the sofa, and Nathan is sleeping on the floor in front of them

I giggle to myself thinking that Nathan is like their dog. But I don't focus on that comparison for too long, because there is a knock at the door.

Nathan is the only one to wake up, he checks the girls are asleep and tiptoes over to the door and slowly opens it. Standing there is Whitey.

"Coach, what's up?" Nathan whispers.

"I wanted to check on you guys." He says in a voice that he wants to make sound like he doesn't really care.

"Well, thanks but I think we're all ok."

Whitey peaks inside and looks at Haley and Peyton fast asleep.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" He asks Nathan, and Nathan nods.

I watch Nathan quickly go to the bedroom to get changed while Whitey waits in the doorway, and as they leave I think about going with them, but I decide against it. I'm sure Whitey wanted to get Nathan away from the girls to give him some freedom, to show him he doesn't have to take care of everyone else and he can let people take care of him as well.

I wonder if they were planning on going to school today, but it doesn't matter, but that's where I want to go. I walk through that same hallway, where I would go almost everyday and even now I'm dead I still do. By my locker people have laid down flowers and candles, there's also a teddy bear & some people have left letters.

I know what they say just by looking at them, I take in all the words in an instant and I memorise all the letters straight away.

Letters meant a lot to me. I wrote one to Lucas everyday, it helped me to clearly say what I wanted to tell him. Even after I broke up with him, I kept writing the letters.

Lucas isn't here today, I thought he would be because he was here yesterday. So I lose interest in the students I barely talked to crying by my locker and I think of Lucas.

Now I'm in his kitchen, Lucas isn't here, but Karen is. She's sitting at the kitchen table I study all the papers she has spread out and realise that she's planning a funeral. I thank her, it's not like my parents were going to do this, and I love her for it.

So my funeral's on Tuesday. It's Friday today, so they gives everyone some more time. It doesn't feel right to be looking at your own funeral plans. I like most of it, but the pictures of coffins freak me out, so I wonder to Lucas's room.

It's different, he's thrown everything around and it's a complete mess, and on his bed there is the box of letters that I gave him. I walk in and I try to feel what Lucas is feeling. All I can say is that it hurts a lot.


	7. Chapter 7

It's evening now. I think that being around the living keeps time normal, but as I was in Lucas's room alone, it sped up. At least that's my theory, it will probably be disproved soon, or maybe Keith will just tell me.

I think of Rachel and I am with her, back in the bar where I met Keith. I am mad, but as I recognise Tom is with her (dressed as a civilian) I understand that she is here to pick out anyone who was here the night I died.

Ralph is also here, but not behind the bar. He has his arm around Rachel and is talking to Tom about what he saw that night. I look around and I see Rick is here.

I forgot how much I hate him, but now that I can feel him close to me it all comes back. I can feel him raping me, it's like my mind is going back in time to that very second.

And without thinking, I let him see me. Just him. He's laughing with some friends in the corner of the bar, and when he glances round the room, his eyes settle on me. I let him see me just for a second, then when someone walks in between us, he can't see more anymore.

He quickly shakes it off, and gets back to joking with his friends. They are looking around at the girls in the bar, and I feel their intentions. None of them are bad-hearted like Rick, and would hate that they could have aided in my murder that night.

Rick looks at Rachel and I want to kill him. He can't touch her, I can let him get near any girl ever again, no one deserves the fate I received and I can't let it happen. I am not standing near them anymore, but I know Ralph is telling Tom that Rick and his friends are regulars and were here that night.

He says that they might have seen something, not suspecting that one of them may have been my murder, so Tom comes over to talk to them.

He introduces himself and then begins to talk about me. I want to see guilt on Rick's face, but there isn't any. He carries the same expression as his friends, and I jump for joy inside when Tom produces a picture of me.

His friends begin to recognise me, & they tell Tom that, but they say they can't quite place me. Rick has no intention of getting caught, but I want him to confess. So I stand by Tom, and let Rick see me. He looks right at me, blinking, waiting for me to go away, but I keep letting him see me.

I don't say anything, but I think he would hear me if I did. But no, I just let him look at me in complete shock. Tom follows his gaze, but sees nothing where I stand.

"Sir, are you ok?" He asks.

Then Rick takes his eyes off of me, and tells Tom that he's fine. He's trying not to look at me, but I stay in his sights, staring him down.

Then I hear the door open, and without thinking I turn to it. Lucas walks in and I have a second of weakness and let him see me. Then I go, I shouldn't have let Lucas see me, I guess that's why Keith didn't want me to do it. No one sees me now.

Lucas looks like he's about to scream out, he walks over to Tom where I was standing and just looks to his feet. Tom acknowledges him with a nod, then asks him if he's ok.

Lucas just looks at him, then walks over to Rachel, so I follow him.

"Lucas, what are you doing here?" Rachel asks, worried.

"I'm here for Brooke." He simply replies as he sits at the bar.

"I'm going where she went, so I can find the person who killed her."

Rachel looked down, I could feel her sympathy for Lucas. Then she tried to offer him some kind words.

"Lucas, the police will find who killed her. But you shouldn't be here, I don't think it's good for you."

"I don't care." Lucas said, not looking at her. Instead he looked around the bar, then settle on Tom and the group he was talking to. I wonder if he knows.

"Who are they that Tom is talking to?" He asked Rachel.

"They were here that night, they might have seen something."

Lucas leaves his stool and walks over to them, Tom stops talking and looks to my boy questioningly.

"Do you need something Mr.Scott?" He asked when Lucas didn't say anything, just stared at the men.

I saw him make eye contact with the man who killed me. Then he just moved he eyes to the other men, going in a line.

"I can't have what I need." Lucas admits, then he walks out.

He was unaware that Rachel was watching him, and now that he leaves Rachel goes after him. It reminds me of the party after Keith died, and how Lucas walked out and I went after him.

"Lucas!" Rachel yelled when she left the bar, just like I had done.

Lucas turns around to look at her, tears burning in his eyes.

"Rachel, you have to know something. You had to have seen the guy she left with." Lucas pleaded with her.

"I'm so sorry, I should have taken better care of her." Rachel apologised, I started to see the tears develop in her eyes.

"But Lucas, there's nothing we can do. You have to let the police take care of this."

"I can't do that." Lucas shook his head.

"Why?" Rachel asked, not many people would have done.

Lucas swallowed hard as he remembered the reason why.

"After the shooting…." He began, "She talked about how I rescued Peyton, and how she wished it was her and I promised that I would save her." He paused and bit his bottom lip.

"But I didn't, but I damn well will find the guy who killed her."

Rachel stopped as she felt the gravity of Lucas's guilt. And so did I. I had forgotten about when I asked him to rescue me, and he told me that I had to rescue him back, I guess we really let each other down.

"Lucas you are not responsible." Rachel slowly said.

"Aren't I?" He stoically asked. "When I told her that I wanted us to get back together, I said that if I ever got a second chance I would never let her go. And she gave me the second chance, but I let her go! If I hadn't, she would have never come to this bar, she would have never gone home with some creepy guy and she would still be alive right now!"

I saw the love of my life break down. He fell to his knees right in the middle of the parking lot and buried his head in his hands. Rachel did what I wanted to, she kneeled by him and wrapped her arms around him.

Then she whispered. "This is not your fault." and kissed him on the cheek.

It was not Lucas's fault, it was my fault. Wait, it was not my fault, it was Rick's fault. It was Rick's fault and so far he seems to be the only one not feeling guilty about my murder. Even I - the murdered party - began to feel responsible. And I despise myself for that, but I can make up for it, if I can get Rick locked up.

Rachel holds Lucas for a while, then she gets up and calmly walks to her car and drives away. I know she's going home so she can cry herself without an audience. I watch Lucas's face, he stares at the gravel on the ground, and I just stare in his eyes.

Then something amazing happens, he gets up and walks to his car and as he passes Rick's car, Tom comes out the bar letting some light escape, it hits someone else's car's hand mirror, and reflects on something in the back of Rick's car.

It catches Lucas's eye, and even though a regular person would just shrug it off, Lucas steps towards the car. Then he runs to Tom, who is about the get into his own car.

"Tom, Tom look at this." He leads Tom to Rick's car and points to my earring.

"That right there, that's Brooke's earring I recognise it." Lucas exclaims, excited about his discovery.

"Are you sure?" Tom asks, not sharing his enthusiasm.

"Yes, I know it's Brooke's. Arrest the person who's car this is."

"Lucas, I can't just-" Before Tom could finish, Lucas had kicked in the window. Maybe it was a bad decision, but I am proud of him for it.

"Lucas!" Tom yells, knowing that Lucas has now broken the law. As he tries to pull Lucas back, my boy is practically diving into the car, reaching for my earring, but as he pulls at the seats, trying to get closer as Tom pulls him away, his hand slips and lands on something on the car floor.

Then he shows Tom the hammer that killed me. Ladies and gentlemen, my boy just caught my killer.


	8. Chapter 8

My name is Brooke Davis and a week ago I died. Today is my funeral. There had been a lot to watch in the last week, Rick was arrested and is being charged with my rape and murder, as well as the rape and murder of two other girls who had gone missing in the last decade.

I've been with Lucas most of the time. I like to check on Peyton every few hours though, I think out of everyone she's the most likely to hurt herself, and I can't let that happen.

Rachel has got better, she called her parents and they had agree to come home for little while to take care of their daughter. I wish my parents had been like that.

Nathan and Haley had been talking about their baby mostly, I swooned when Haley suggested they call the baby Brooke if it's a girl, but I know it's a boy. Still the flattery doesn't go away.

But like I said, I've been with Lucas the most. When I was alive him and Karen were the closest I had to family, I think I'll stay with them forever. I've been expecting to see Keith, they were his family as well, so I thought this is where he'd choose to be.

Lucas smiled for the first time yesterday, he didn't mean to and felt guilty about I afterwards, but I love that he smiled, I missed it. He went with Karen to the sonogram, and upon hearing his baby sister's heartbeat he smiled instantly.

Against all logic, when I see him smile I almost feel alive again.

But today I won't see him smile, I probably won't see anyone smile. My parents haven't come for my funeral, they sent the funeral home some flowers, they sent white lilies, which I don't hate, but they should know I wouldn't want those flowers at my funeral.

Lucas had suggested that most of the flowers be lilac, and only him and I knew why. When we stayed at Rachel's cabin picked some lilac wildflowers for me, then on the car ride home he started quoting Stein beck.

I pretended I wasn't listening, but I was. I love to hear him tell me the words that had obviously been important enough for him to memorise.

'_Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains of dawn and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass__'_

As funerals go it's not so bad. It's not tragic for me, and I hope it's not for anyone else. Some people cry, but must hold onto themselves. Haley sings some Sarah McLachlan song, and I appreciate the beauty of her voice like I never had before. It's like now I can peel apart all the layers of her voice, the lyrics and the feeling behind it.

I see everything that everyone else is remembering, the priest talks then Lucas gives the eulogy. He talks about the book he was writing, then told them what he wrote about me

"She was fiercely independent, Brooke Davis. Brilliant and beautiful and brave. In two years she had grown more than anyone I have ever known. Brooke Davis is going to change the world some day and I'm not sure she even knows it."

I already knew what he wrote, but it felt even more touching hearing him say the words out loud, despite that he stumbles on the last sentence.

"This is what I wrote about her ten days ago." Lucas continues. "And some of you might be thinking that now she'll never get the chance to change the world," he smiles before he finishes. "But I think she already has."

I don't listen to the rest, everything else he says is not Lucas, Karen and Haley had helped him write it and it's not that I don't care what they had to say, it's just that I know it can't compare to what Lucas has to say.

As it finishes, everyone begins to leave but Lucas. Karen tries to take him by that hand, but he tells her that he'll meet her back at the house for the wake.

I follow him to Keith's grave, and he kneels in front of it.

"Hey, Keith." He says softly. "I'm sorry I haven't been by for a while, but I need to ask you a favour. I need you to look after Brooke. I know what you're thinking Brooke doesn't need looking after, I'm sure she's taking this whole death thing in her stride, but I'm not asking you to look after her for her, I'm asking you for me. It would just make me feel better knowing that you're there for her."

He thanks Keith and gently touches the gravestone, then walks away.

"I've never let Lucas down before." I hear Keith behind me. "And I'm not going to start now."

"Keith," I smile. "Why haven't you come to see me sooner? So much has happened."

"I know, I'm sorry." He delicately says to me. "I thought that I should let you go through this - the funeral - alone."

I understand, then I smile at him. "They got Rick. And it was all because of your brilliant nephew."

"He is brilliant, isn't he?" Keith beams. "You know he gets that from me."

"Oh, I know." I playfully giggle, then we mutually travel to the wake.

It makes me feel warm that lots of people smile at the wake. They swap stories about me - the cheerleaders make everyone laugh when they recall that I just started spontaneously dancing at the cheerleading competition. Peyton releases a small smile, then subtlety walks away from the group and sits by Rachel near the corner.

"Hey," She says gently.

"Hey." Rachel returns, barely even looking at my blonde friend.

Peyton looks at her lap, trying to find someway to comfort Rachel even though she needed comforting herself.

"I know it's hard for you." She paused. "I mean you were sharing a room with Brooke and all."

"She was my best friend." Rachel sadly admitted.

Peyton paused.

"Yeah, mine too."

They both sat in silence for a moment.

"Peyton, Brooke was really mad at you."

Peyton felt that cut, she was about to get up and walk away but Rachel continued.

"But she really loved you, the unconditional kind of love. And if she hadn't died, I know you two would have made up."

"Thank you." Peyton whispered as tears formed in her eyes.

"Whatever." Rachel wiped her own eyes, even though there were no tears there - yet. "Look, tomorrow I'm going to have to start going through Brooke's thing. I thought that you might want to come around and help, she might have some things that you would want to keep."

"Sure, I'll come round tomorrow." Peyton agreed, not acknowledging the depth of what she had agreed to - my friends were beginning to let go of me.

Rachel then got up and walked away, all of this was difficult for her. Peyton sat there by herself and her eyes trailed over to Lucas, he was standing on his own near the door, ready to greet anyone else who might arrive to offer their condolences.

When the town had first heard of my death, many people sent cards to Karen and Lucas, I don't think many people knew that I actually had parents. I think Karen and Lucas were beginning to realise what they really were to me, yes Karen was my friend and Lucas had been my boyfriend but in my time on Earth I had forged a bond with them that made them family.

Haley brought Lucas a drink.

"Hey," She offered weakly. "How come you haven't come round to spend time with me, Nathan and Peyton?"

"I've been spending a lot of time with the police, they've asked me a lot of questions and I've wanted to be involved with what they're doing." Lucas sternly replied, no emotion in his voice that Haley could detect, but I did.

"Lucas, I think you should leave it to the police. They know what they're doing."

Haley tried to advise him, but Lucas just let out a cold laugh.

"If that were true Hales, they'd have saved her." His voice was loud and many people had stopped in the middle of their conversations to look at him.

Lucas scanned the room, then walked out, finding privacy in his own.

Haley stood their looking defeated, then Nathan came up behind her and put an arm around her.

"It's not your fault, Haley. It's just going to take Lucas a while." He kissed her on the cheek.

Lucas angrily shook off his tie as he slammed the door, then looked around the room for something to break to try and vent some of his anger. But as he looked around he realised nothing he could do would actually make him feel better, so he sat on the bed and was about to let himself feel the pain - but there was a knock at the door.

Whoever it was didn't wait for an invitation, but just opened the door. It was Peyton.

"Hi, Lucas." She said.

Lucas didn't know what to do, Peyton Sawyer was a friend - yes - but she was part of the reason Brooke had pushed him a way for so long.

Lucas knew that when they kissed it was as much his fault as it was hers - but he didn't know whether to resent her or not. He decided to treat her as a friend, because she couldn't of done anything to make things worse between him and Brooke. But Lucas didn't know what Peyton had told her the night before Nathan and Haley's wedding.

"Hi." He replied, breaking his gaze with her.

Peyton took this as her invitation, and came into his room shutting the door behind her, she sat with Lucas on his bed - unaware how uncomfortable her closeness made him.

"I just wanted you to know that Rachel's going to start sorting out Brooke's things tomorrow. She's asked me to help, and I thought that maybe you would want to come too."

Lucas's face fell. "Rachel's getting rid of Brooke's things?"

Peyton quickly realised how this hurt Lucas.

"How can she do that?" Lucas grew angry and stood up.

Peyton stood up as well and tried to defend a person who had never been her friend.

"Lucas, she can't just keep them. I bet it's really painful for her, she shared a room with her everyday she has reminders of Brooke everywhere and you can't me mad at her for wanting to get rid of them because you don't know what that's like." Towards the end Peyton began to raise her voice as well, remembering how it was like in her house seeing her Mother's things everywhere after she had died. Sorting out her things helped Peyton move on - but it didn't erase her, Peyton chose to keep some things just like she would with Brooke tomorrow.

"But just throwing them out?! They were Brooke's, they're a part of who she is."

"Lucas, what did you expect?" Peyton retaliated, and even though it was a simple sentence for her it hit Lucas in a way lots of others hadn't. She was right, this was something that had to happen, but he wouldn't admit that out loud.

"Peyton, you know that this is not right." He gritted his teeth.

"You know what Lucas, if we hadn't found a body and she was still missing I would agree with you…..but she's dead and she's not coming back." Peyton choked on her last word, she felt herself beginning to cry again so she began to walk out.

But she stopped and turned around to Lucas.

"It will be horrible Lucas, but I know if you don't help you will look back and wish that you did. There'll be things that you'll want to keep and this is your last chance."

Peyton then walked out, leaving Lucas with the truth in her words.


	9. Chapter 9

That afternoon Peyton had sat at the bridge for a long time. She sat with her sketchbook in her arms, not knowing what to draw with so many images running through her mind - all of me. She stayed there for a long time remembering what it was like to be there with me, living a deja vu of when her mother died.

She didn't go home till it began to get dark and as she searched for her keys she was surprised to find someone waiting for her on the porch.

When Peyton questioned him about who he was, he replied "I guess I'm your brother."

But I knew he was lying, as I felt him and felt nothing that was like Peyton, he wasn't related to her at all. As I studied him as he began to explain to Peyton that he had seen her pod cast, I saw the lies and the truth, I saw that he had been watching her for a long time and had been waiting for an opportunity for this.

I could feel his evil intent, and as I struggled to accept my helplessness, I wondered if Peyton would have to same fate as me.

After I was sure 'Derek' had left Peyton that night, I followed him a while until I was sure he wouldn't go back to her. I could feel the evil in him and wanted to protect my friend more than anything.

So I decided to visit Haley and Nathan, he was lying in bed watching the ceiling. Haley had her hand on his chest and she appeared to be sleeping, but I knew she wasn't.

Nathan must have known too because he started talking to her.

"Haley?"

"Mmm?"

"I slept with Brooke."

Haley's eyes shot open and she lifted her head, but Nathan didn't look at her - just the ceiling.

"What?" She asked, not angry just confused.

"A few years ago we were having a party and Peyton dumped me and Brooke was drunk and we slept together."

As he talked about it, I began to remember. I hadn't thought about it in so long, and we'd never talked about it so I always pretended it was a bad dream.

"Oh." Haley said, not sure what his point was.

"It didn't mean anything, but now that she's gone I feel like it should have done." For the first time Nathan looked at Haley.

"I mean she's been my friend for a long time, so I just can't understand how it couldn't mean anything."

"Nathan," Haley said softly. "I love you _and_Brooke, but I know who the two of you used to be. Brooke was…..friendly and so were you, so I'm not surprised really that surprised that you two slept with her. You don't have to feel guilty because it didn't mean anything."

She cupped his cheek, and Nathan and I were both marvelling in her grace at that moment, both of us wondered how she would react and if she would be angry, but she understood almost straight away and I love her for that. So does Nathan.

Nathan didn't say anything, but Haley could see that he had relaxed.

"Does anybody else know?" She asked him.

"No. I don't think so, unless she told Lucas." Nathan said as he closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Haley tighter.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't talk about it again. You don't know how some people might react - especially with the state Lucas is in right now."

Then they slept, and I stayed with them, comforted by their breathing. I began to breath with them, I didn't need to anymore, but I hoped that if I did it might bring me back to life.

8 days after I died, 7 days after my body was found and 1 day since my funeral Peyton, Haley and Nathan met up with each other outside Rachel's house.

They were watching Lucas who was still in his car, he had turned the engine off and was just staring at his backseat - where he had first seen me.

I remembered it with him, how shameless I had been but how I seemed so sure about Lucas, like somehow I knew how important he was going to be in my life. And now my death.

He thought about how I had been nearly naked and in the backseat when I met him, and that was how I died as well - now that I think about it, it seems fitting. Lucas and I had a things about backseats. I remembered that fondly, but for Lucas it hurt. He just stared, wishing if he looked hard enough he would see me, and in his head he did.

He watched me change out of my cheerleading uniform and ask him "How many moments in life can you point to and say that's when it all changed? you just had one."

He lost track of time and so did I, both so desperate to go back and have a chance to do everything differently. Then Haley walked down the path and knocked on Lucas's window.

"Lucas, come on it's time." She said softly.

Lucas looked sadly at her, then he got out of the car and walked up to the house with Haley. When Nathan rang the bell Rachel answered immediately, unbeknownst to them she had been watching them through the window.

Everybody was silent, Rachel looked at each of them and took a deep breath like she was about to say something. Instead, she just stepped aside and let them in.

The five of them started with the room I shared with Rachel, they stood near the doorway and just looked around at everything.

"I guess we should just dive in." Haley stuttered. After that Rachel took control, she had bags for different items and assigned everyone to a different part of the room. They really slowly walked in and it took them a while to actually touch my things - let alone take them.

Two hours later, they were beginning to get used to it. Lucas was in my wardrobe, he wanted to keep everything, with every outfit he had a memory of me. He found the blue dress I wore at the formal when we had talked on the beach, the dress I wore to Keith's wedding when we went together, my devil's outfit I made and how we ended up fighting about Rachel that night. He became overwhelmed, and instead tried digging around the bottom of my wardrobe to sort out my shoes instead.

His hands felt sheets of paper, he pulled them out and find some of my designs. Damn, those were the ones nobody was supposed to see.

"Hey, Hales?" He asked, and everyone in the room looked at him.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Didn't you find all of Brooke's design's?"

"Yeah, they were in the second draw by her bed."

Then Lucas showed her the sketches in his hand, and she looked confused.

"Oh, those were the outfits Brooke didn't think the world was ready for yet." Rachel explained. "She said she was going to throw them out, but I guess she didn't."

Lucas didn't know why yet, but he kept them. As his hands dug back into the wardrobe, he felt a cardboard box. He pulled it out and found that it was full of letters.

He picked up a handful and looked at all of them. Some were in his handwriting, the ones he used to write me. Some were in my handwriting, and were still sealed.

"She kept writing them." He said aloud without realising.

"Kept writing what?" Nathan asked what everyone was thinking.

"The letters." Haley smiled, remembering when she had found them half a year ago.

"Yeah," Lucas said in astonishment. "She kept writing them." He smiled, and I was the only one who saw the tears in his eyes. But I couldn't be happy for Lucas like everyone else, because I knew what I had written.

By the end of the day, everyone had found pieces of me they wanted to keep and I couldn't feel anything. I could sense Lucas wondering if it would make me angry that they were giving most of my things away, but it didn't. It didn't make me happy either.

No possessions meant anything tomorrow, except maybe the letters. But I wish they could have gone undiscovered, I'm not proud of the person I was in the last few weeks of my life and when I look back I feel like that wasn't me.


	10. Chapter 10

It took Lucas longer than I thought it would for him to finally look at one of the letters. It was nearly two weeks later, after he went on a run and I could feel his damaged heart tugging at his chest, and he thought the best way to fix it was to experience a piece of me he hadn't before.

Without even showering, he just opened the box and opened the letter dated the day I broke up with him, he was excited but all I could feel was terror.

_Dear Lucas,_

_Well you know that I broke up with you today, but there is so much you don__'__t know. I put on a brave face today but the truth is I am so mad at you still, how can you expect me to think it__'__s not a big deal that you kissed Peyton?!!! You want forgiveness just like that? You tell me that your heart lies with me, then I come to the hospital and you__'__re hugging PEYTON! I go to your house and you__'__re hanging out with PEYTON! And I wonder where you are right now, I bet it didn__'__t take you that long to run back to that blonde backstabbing former bff and she__'__s probably tonguing you right now and if I were to catch you, you__'__d come up with the same old crap and all the speeches and I__'__d forgive you because I love you, but you__'__d do it all again. Well I__'__m done, this is so over. I__'__m out, have a nice life with Peyton._

_- Brooke_

A letter Lucas expected to be about unspoken love, was now trembling in his hand. It's not fair because I'm not done, and I hope he realises that just by writing the letters I was never done with him. And I never will be.

But he surprised me. He went running to Peyton's door. Maybe he took my words seriously 'Have a nice life with Peyton'. And I wonder if that is something I could stand to see, after having finally become convinced that it was me he truly loved.

He just went in, didn't knock and went straight into her room only to walk in on her changing into her cheerleading uniform.

"Lucas!" She squealed, but he didn't turn away. He just stared at her as she quickly pulled her clothes on.

"What are you doing here?" She asked once she was done.

"Why did you do it Peyton? Why did you have to kiss me?" He begged shaking his head, looking at her in a way I had never seen before. Like he was waiting for her to find some way to take everything between them back.

Peyton was stumped for a moment, her jaw hanging as she tried to think of something to say.

"You were just there, and I thought I was going to die!"

"I was just there?" Lucas yelled, tears beginning to form in his eyes. "That's you're whole reason for destroying _everything_ with me and Brooke! You knew, you've known for ages that I love Brooke and that she loves me so I can't understand why you would do that. Were you just trying to destroy everything? Me and Brooke, you're friendship with me and with Brooke?!"

"Alright stop it!" She yelled back. "You can't just pin everything on me like that, Lucas, that's not fair! I wanted you and Brooke to work it out, I really did, but she didn't trust you and you weren't there when she needed you. You and Brooke had problems with or without me!"

"Maybe so, but we could've worked everything else out!" Lucas snapped back, and I had no idea who's side I was on. Standing in between to of the people that I loved the most, but both of them had hurt me so much and I just wished I could be on my own side, because I felt a had right to be included in this conversation but that wasn't I luxury I had anymore.

"Lucas, Brooke broke up with you!" She lowered her voice slightly. "I'm sure she loved you, she really did but if she broke up with you she must have believe that you two weren't meant to be together."

"You want to know why she broke up with me?!" Lucas retaliated. He stormed closer to her and took the crumpled letter out of his pocket and shoved it in her hands.

"Read it. Then tell me that it wasn't your fault."

Then he left and I was left with the horror of letting someone else I love read a letter I never intended for anyone but me.

Four hours later and Lucas was sitting at the river court in the dark. He was holding a basketball in his hand, and looking at the hoop but had no intention of taking a shot because whenever he tried it took him back to one other night at the river court.

"_If Brooke__'__s the one make the shot.__"__ Rachel challenged after having blindfolded Lucas._

"_This is ridiculous.__"__ Lucas tried to laugh it off, but couldn__'__t hide his curiosity as to what would happen._

"_Come on, it__'__s your destiny. You can__'__t miss.__"_

_And when he tried, he didn__'__t._

"_What happened?__"_

_"__It went in.__"__  
_

I get lost in his thoughts with him and neither of us noticed Peyton walking over.

Her eyes were red and her face looked noticeably more tired since earlier as she joined Lucas on the bench.

"Hey." She offered.

"Hey." Lucas replied softly, seeing that she was sharing so much of his pain.

They sat in silence for a moment, until she broke it.

"I read the letter." She paused, then burst into tears. "I'm so sorry Lucas." She sobbed.

Lucas put his arm around her and cradled her into his body.

"It's ok, I was just angry earlier and…..I know that I was responsible too, but it was just easier to blame you."

Peyton pushed him away. "No, you don't understand."

"What is it?" He asked, and I wondered if Peyton was finally going to be completely honest.

"The night before the wedding…" She slowly started. "I told Brooke…that I still have feelings for you."

Lucas looked at her a moment taking it in, then he took a deep breath. And as much as I would like to pretend I'm above the jealousy and whole triangle drama now, I was desperate to know what Lucas's reply would be.

But when Lucas didn't reply, Peyton carried on.

"That's why she was so mad at me that day, and asked you not to talk to me."

"It all makes sense now." Lucas held his head in his hands. "How could I be so stupid? She asked me to do one thing and stay away from you and I convince her she was being childish, then to top it off I told her about our kiss."

"Lucas it's not your fault," Peyton put her hand on his back and he looked round at her. "It's my fault."

I hated watching them, despite how much I loved them both when they held each other's gaze like that and looking at each other in a way that they were about to kiss it made my skin crawl. But they didn't, Lucas broke their gaze.

"I know I kind of ignored it Peyton, but you said that you still have feelings for me…."

"Yeah." Peyton nodded. "I know this isn't the best way…or time to tell you, but I have to. I'm in love with you."

Lucas almost immediately replied. "I'm sorry Peyton, but I can't."

"Yeah I get it." She replied quickly, trying to save herself the embarrassment.

"It's Brooke you know. She is….was the one." Lucas swallowed hard.

"Yeah I know." Peyton nodded, and I left them sitting in the night together.


	11. Chapter 11

"Do you think I should read the others?"

Lucas sat at his desk while Haley lay on his bed reading a pregnancy book.

"Other what?" She asked without even looking up.

"Brooke's other letters. Or do you think they're all gonna be look the one I read."

Haley stopped to think about it. It's been a further week since Lucas read that letter, just over a month since I died. Nobody would admit it out loud, but they were beginning to get used to life without me.

Peyton had been spending more and more time with her 'brother', Nathan and Haley were concentrating on their baby and Lucas was just trying to keep breathing every moment of every day.

"If you want I could read them first, then if they were….nice give them back to you."

"No. Not reading the nasty ones won't make them not exist." Lucas sighed.

"Lucas, Brooke was mad. She wrote that letter when she was really angry, she didn't mean it."

"Yeah, but she did Haley. And can you blame her? I mean I've had a lot of time to think about it, and there is so much that I put her through in the last two years. I'm surprised that all she did was put it in a letter."

Haley can't argue, so instead she changes the subject and starts talking about morning sickness, which Lucas is tired of hearing about, but it's much easier then talking about me.

I've been getting a lot stronger now, and I want Keith by me, so he is.

"Ok, can you stop doing that?" He asked.

"What you were doing something other then being a ghost?" I joked, but didn't smile.

"What is it Brooke?" He cut to the chase.

"I want to write Lucas another letter." I finally turned to look at him. "There must be some way I can do that, please." 

"Brooke…." 

"Please." I said again, desperate. My heart aching to reach out to Lucas one more time. "One letter, he has to know how I really feel." 

"There's no way you can do that." He stated, but I could tell he was sympathising with me.

"Can't I possess someone and write it?" I was half joking, but begging that it could be true.

"No."

"Why? Keith, I……I cannot stand him feeling this way. This is more about him then it is about me. You love Lucas too, why can't I write him one more letter?"

"Brooke, I do want you to be able to do this. But it's not up to me." 

"Then what is the point of me being here?" I pleaded. "That's the one thing you haven't told me."

"That's because I don't know." Keith finally admitted. "We don't know why we're here when we're alive, and I guess that doesn't change when we're dead either." 

"So what, I just have to watch and suffer forever?" I started to get angry.

"I don't know. I wish I did, I'm sorry Brooke." Then he left me.

I don't know what to do now, I kept on believing there was a reason, that all this time watching and waiting was leading somewhere. And I refuse to let it not be, some how I will find a way to share one more moment with Lucas.

But then I here screams in my head.

"Peyton." I realise, she's in danger and there's nothing I can do.

Now, I'm at her house, she's trying to keep 'Derek' out her room, but he is strong and I know that he will get in. What can I do? No Lucas, no Nathan, no anyone. Just me, and I'm dead I can't do anything.

But I won't let Peyton join me.

Derek bursts through the door and Peyton screams again, he grabs her and as she tries to struggle he pins her against the wall, I can see where this is going. Peyton shared a lot with me, but she cannot have the same fate as me, he head buts her onto the bed, and I feel everything inside of me become like an ocean and I don't know why but I run towards him, and some kind of force pushes him out the window.

Peyton had her eyes closed and the bed, but she opens them and has no idea what has happened. This is when the neighbours decided to call 911, I roll my eyes.

But she is safe. Because of me. Somehow in that moment I was able to do something, I knew it was possible.

When the ambulance arrives, I watch as they wrap Peyton in a blanket while 'Derek' is carried into the back of it, Keith is with me again.

"Did you save Peyton?" He asks stunned.

"Didn't you save Nathan?" I reply.

Up until now, I had not revealed that I knew about that. He didn't reply and I turned towards him

"Why did you lie earlier?"

"I didn't lie." He defends himself. 

"You did. You made it sound like we didn't play a part anymore when clearly we do."

"Brooke-" But I wasn't done.

"What I can save Peyton from physical pain, but I can't save Lucas from mental pain."

"Brooke," He tried again, and this time I let out what I had really wanted to say for so long.

"Why didn't you save me?!" I paused. "We can save people, but you let me die!"

Keith stayed quiet for a long time.

"Brooke, I didn't want you to die." 

"And yet I did! Can you stop avoiding my questions and just be honest with me? This isn't like you Keith, why can't you just tell me the truth?"

"You won't like it."

"I don't care. Just tell me." 

"You died, simply because you were supposed to. You had done everything you were supposed to do."

"What? I'm eighteen years old, I barely got to do anything!" 

"You did more than you know, Brooke Davis." He reached out for my cheek trying to comfort me.

"You played a part in who so many people are. Nathan, Haley, Peyton, Mouth, Rachel. You made Lucas the man he is, you're the reason he's going to become the great person he will be."

"But Lucas and I were meant to be together." I struggled to say.

"You weren't." He softly said.

"But he made the shot. He's the one."

"Brooke, listen. Just because you two weren't meant to be together doesn't mean that he doesn't love you more then he could ever love anyone else. It doesn't mean that you weren't each others true loves, or that you're not soul mates. Just look at me and Karen. She's my one, and we barely had any time together at all. You will learn that there is so much more to love then life, that it is the only thing stronger then death."

He then hugged me as I suffered the echo of his words. Maybe I was naïve, or self involved but I thought I was someone destined for greatness. I was just a girl, destined for cheerleading. But I did have one thing that made me feel so satisfied with my life - Lucas.

Keith pulled away from the hug and looked into my eyes again. "The truth is that this isn't what is supposed to happen when you die, there is somewhere else, somewhere better. I'm not there because I'm waiting for Karen, and you're not there because you're waiting for Lucas."

I don't know what to think, but I have something I had little of before, hope. Hope that I will be with Lucas again, and that things can be better.


	12. Chapter 12

Once you know what you're waiting for it's been four months, and the people I had are beginning to forget me, which is so strange because I can still remember perfectly what it was like to be alive, no matter how fast time goes.

However, time does come to a screeching halt when someone you love is doing something supremely stupid. Like Lucas is doing right now. He needs a slap, I mean seriously! Not taking his heart medication to win the basketball championship?! Life is more important than basketball, that's one thing I can be sure of.

Keith and I both know what's coming, that for however briefly he will be living in our world, but he will wake up. I'm kind of excited to be able to see him, even though I know that Keith will need to spend a lot of time with him, to try and get him to realise that Dan was the one who shot Keith. But I will have some time with him.

Time seems to blur as I lose myself in my thoughts and it's already happened, Haley was hit then Lucas collapsed in the street. Keith is already with him, I can faintly hear them, he asks about me and Keith does that same annoying thing where he promises things will be revealed in time.

This isn't some murder mystery thing, he could just spit out the things he needs to say.

And I wait, and Lucas is lead to the spot where I was killed.

It doesn't take Lucas long to piece things together.

"Why am I here?" He asks nervously.

"You're not supposed to be, but a girl wanted to write one more letter to you, but I thought she could do better then that."

I walked towards him as he began to see me, Keith left us and Lucas moved forward, eyes sparkling almost like he couldn't believe what he was saying. When I reached him, I stood in front of him not knowing what to say.

"Pretty girl." He simply said, his voice filled with astonishment, then he hugged me, and I hugged him back. Grasping at every single piece of him, not wanting to let him go, I need him with me.

When he let go to see my face again, I smiled and replied. "Hey boyfriend."

I had never seen him smile so widely before.

"How is this happening?" He beamed as he held my hands.

"Well you did something very stupid that resulted in a heart attack. But don't worry you'll be fine."

"And you won't be?" He asked, smiling less.

"I'm dead, fine isn't an option."

"Then I'll stay here with you."

"Lucas-"

"Brooke, I am not living without you. I mean, I can breathe and my heart beats, but you were the one that kept me really alive, why can't I stay with you?"

I stood as close to him as I could and stared up into his big beautiful eyes, trying to make this as clear as possible. My hand was on his chest, and even though it wasn't really his body I could feel his heart still beating.

"Lucas, you can't stay because you are destined for greatness, there is so much more that you have to do. You have to live, you'll go to college, and grow old, follow your dreams, get married, have kids."

"But I don't want to do any of those things without you." He said sadly, holding his hand over mine. I could feel his soul begging for me to let him stay, even though he knew it wasn't up to me.

"Lucas, if you knew that you weren't going to have those things, you would realise how important they truly are. You only get one chance at life, you have to make it count. Look at all the good you've done so far, why stop now? I can't live with you, so you'll have to do enough for the both of us."

We connected, no more words were needed, there's no combination of words I could ever make to truly tell him what I wanted, but through that connection he understood everything in my heart.

"I'm sorry, I treated you badly."

"Lucas, you made mistakes. Everyone does, don't beat yourself up over something that's in the past and you have no control over anymore, life's too short. Besides, because of you I got to fall in love. You made me strong, you made me brave and you made me happy. That's all that matters."

We both heard Keith say Lucas's name from the background.

"You have to go now." I turned to him sadly.

""I am going to miss you so much, pretty girl."

"There's really no need, I'm always with you, you know."

He leaned down and softly kissed me, against everything that was possible, I shared his heartbeat, his heart beat inside of me and once again, it was Lucas who made me live.

When he looked at me again, he held my gaze, knowing he wouldn't see my again for a very long time.

"Lucas, just in case I didn't make it clear, I am so in love with you. I've never wanted anyone else, that won't ever change. Keith told me that the only thing stronger then death is love and I know that's true. I love you, Lucas."

"I think we both know, I love you too." Then he turned away to find Keith, and my moment was over. That was my goodbye to Lucas, well that is until he is ready to be here.

Lucas did wake up, he talked a bit about his dream of me and he did what I asked. He lived. He coached the Tree Hill Ravens and once again won the state championship. Eventually he and Peyton tried, but they accepted that they couldn't make it work and he was happy to see her finally make things work with Jake. Lucas got married a few years later, his wife was different to me but had I have known her we would have been friends.

He loved her, and she loved him, but they both had the biggest parts of their hearts reserved for other people. They had a beautiful daughter with brown eyes, brown hair and dimples, who loved to hear her daddy's stories about a young woman called Brooke Davis, who stole a boy's heart. This is when Lucas wrote 'Pretty Girl' it was a huge success and he made the bestsellers list, it was a story of a girl who despite dying learned that there was one thing stronger then death, the love for a boy she knew that would never go away.

Lucas was in his seventies when he died, he fell asleep and slipped into my world where I waited for him. Then we went together, like I had seen Karen and Keith go years before.

Where are we? I can't say, all I can tell you is that you have to take advantage of being alive, and find someone to love and to love you back so that when you do die, you can feel the way I do now.

And in case you're wondering, I did find a way to write that last letter. And you just read it.

- Brooke


End file.
